Faz
Faz is a creepy irritant and general moral vacuum from Shortpacked! and Dumbing of Age. Shortpacked! Shortpacked!’s most annoying recruit has an infuriatingly smug grin you’d love to remove with a grenade launcher. He’s got some amoral ideas on how to succeed in the workplace, and it’s even more infuriating that they usually seem to work. He has decided that Amber will be his bride, much to her revulsion. (She recently found out that he’s her half-brother, to pour salt on the wound.) Unfortunately, not even most forms of violence seem to deter him, nor wipe the smile off his face. History Faz first started working at Shortpacked! as a seasonal employee during the busy Christmas period after Black Friday. Voicing his intention to get hired permanently, he intended to replace the regular cast in anyway possible - even if it meant sleeping with Ninja Rick. He ended up becoming Employee of the Month and getting upgraded to a full employee. This also lead to Sydney Yus being fired, since Amber fudged the CPR numbers in Ethan's favour. After a few months of working at Shortpacked!, Faz quickly became infatuated with Amber, divulging to Ethan that he would make her his bride, if only because she was the only woman shorter than him in the store. This spiraled into a contest between Amber and Robin to prove that Faz was only going after because she was dorky, but even when she turned hot he was still determined to woo her by going behind the counter naked. Even when Amber kissed a random customer to "prove" she was a lesbian, Faz still persisted, citing that Amber was still between 1 and 6 on the Kinsey Scale, unlike himself who was a certain 6. Eventually, Faz did manage to go on a date with Amber - to CompUSA, to buy her a new laptop. After Galasso's Tome of Ages revealed Ethan to be "the Eaton", chosen heir to the Toys R Us and Shortpacked! bloodlines, Faz devised a "Apocrypha of Faz" to usurp him. This paid off when Galasso fired Ethan for refusing to impregnate his daughter, Conquest, and promoted Faz to the status of second Eaton. However, the power quickly went to Faz's head; before long, he claimed that Amber, not Conquest, was Galasso's true heir, and eventually attempted to overthrow Galasso himself. At this point, Galasso announced that he was bored of his scheme and had already bought Toys R Us for a nickel, ending the Tome of Ages saga. For a while, Faz was not seen in the strip except in a couple of small cameos in which he seemed to be Galasso's slave, but he eventually came back to work at Shortpacked! His career was cut short during Ethan's coup d'etat, as Ethan fired Faz once Galasso was safely locked up in the storeroom. Faz then joined the Axis of Something, but capitulated during the attack on the toy store, regaining his job once more. Amber's relationship with Mike Warner did not put an end to Faz's pursuit of her, even after Amber sicced Mike onto him time and again - a move even Mike found ethically dubious. Amber's mother finally revealed that Faz was actually her half-brother, though Amber hesitated to break the news to him, worried that this would actually encourage him to go redouble his pursuit. As it turned out, her worries were unfounded: at Blaine O'Malley's funeral, he revealed that he had already found an honest-to-god girlfriend, the equally creepy (and suspiciously similar-looking) Wen. Afterwards, Wen and Faz were guests at Amber's wedding. He was also present at the birth of Donna Mae Warner - or at least until Mike kicked him out of the delivery room. While attempting to touch Robin's private parts while she was pregnant, he received her evil eye. The resulting terror caused him to show his own eyes for the first and only time in the series, and then jump into a lion pit. In the final arc, he is seen alive, wielding a knife, wearing a lion's pelt (including the head), and sporting a full beard. Trivia *Faz is named after the "Fazoli's Kid," the infuriatingly smug little boy whose picture until recently adorned all the drink dispensers at Fazoli's restaurants. *Based on comments made by Amber's mother, Faz is most likely the offspring of Blaine and a Korean mobster's daughter. This would go a long way to explain his complete lack of ethics. *For a while, Faz described himself as a '6' on the Kinsey scale - in other words, on the homosexual end of spectrum. However, he claimed that sleeping with Amber would move his score down to a 3. This would suggest that Ninja Rick was Faz's only previous sexual encounter. **The Kinsey Scale does not work the way Faz thinks it does. Dumbing of Age Faz joined his stepfather, Blaine, in paying his stepsister Amber a surprise visit during Freshman Family Weekend. While Amber had it out with Blaine, Faz spent his time creeping on her roommate, Dina. His attempted seduction ended with him being delivered to Ruth Lessick's room, neatly wrapped up in Amazi-Girl's grappling hook. Trivia *David Willis confirmed on Tumblr that Faz is not Blaine's biological son. *Faz was originally 17 as of the start of DoA. *Faz is 15 (2 weeks from turning 16) in http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/03-faz-is-great/handle-2/#comment-1309754 *Faz has studied how to tell when women are interested in him. **He assumes it is basically always. *If Faz ever lifted weights, his arms would be pleasingly toned. *Faz has been reading many PDF guides on how to properly approach and dominate a lady. **The first step is not to mention the part about the guide. Category:Shortpacked! Category:Shortpacked employees Category:Dumbing of Age Category:Characters